Stuck in dumb amazement, like a dog who's told to levitate.

I've got a shirt that says that. It's a quote from a song called Cruelty to Animals by Pernice Brothers. I like the shirt a lot, and really wish I was wearing it to day. Why, you ask? Well, because for the first time since I can remember, I was at a complete loss for words at lunch.

Here's what happened. I went to L&L Hawaiian Barbecue. Being a carnivore of Native Hawaiian descent on the mainland, this is kinda a go-to spot for me. The lady behind the counter even knows me by name. (note to self: I should learn her name) So, I ordered a Teri Beef plate, and the guy behind the counter asks me, with a straight face, "What two sides would you like with that?"

WHAT THE FUCK?!?!

Seriously, I was frozen. He points down at a list of about eight items, including french fries, broccoli and carrots, green salad... I look down at the list, then back up to him, still not able to say anything. Then I look at the lady behind the other register and she says "He likes rice and macaroni." After she said that, I just nodded. I really wish one of them had a camera, because I would love to see the look on my face while this was all going down. The guy then says to me that in Hawaii they all come with rice and macaroni, but here there are other options. I was finally able to talk, and remember muttering something about being Hawaiian and that there is really only one way to make plate lunch

I understand not everyone has the same tastes, but Jesus Christ, this is a Hawaiian joint. I highly doubt that if you go to your local taqueria they are going to ask what kind of wrapper you want for your taco, then give you the option of white bread or a pita. And how well do you think it would go over at a pizza parlor if you asked for them to use potato chips instead of pizza dough? It's all just fucking ridiculous!

It's probably a good thing I couldn't talk after he asked me, because if I could, I'm pretty sure my answer would not have been appropriate.